My better angels compel me to write this post in a spirit of understanding and humility, but I just do not know if I can pull that off. I don’t know if I can even do this and stifle the unavoidable chuckles.
Some stories simply cannot be spun.
That’s when Edwards got free, he said, started swimming and noticed he didn’t have his left arm.
I lived in Florida for ten years and have spent much additional vacation time down there, and I can say this with authority: The impulse in a man that impels said man to jump into a Florida canal at 2:20 am is the same impulse that causes you to jab a fork into your eye or leap in front of a Mack truck.
Indeed,
Edwards said his attack shows how something needs to be done about the overpopulation of gators.“They’re not protected creatures. They’re nuisance animals,” he said.
Edwards said the credit for his survival and quick thinking goes to God and friends and emergency personnel.
I would not attempt to posit the mind of “God” in this matter, but I have to think our Creator is not exactly filing this incident into His “Quick Thinking” folder. I have to believe this is more likely going into His “Dumb Ass” file, with a notation to double check the wiring work product from His human brain department.
When drunken men jump into canals near Lake Okeechobee after midnight, there are no possible heroes. There are only losers of different degrees.
Tags: alligators, Florida
“nuisance animals”, ha!
Methinks there is an overpopulation of morons, hence the reason God gave us gators.
I think this man harmed the gator! Now the poor thing is hungry, one arm is not enough. We should toss him back in and troll until the gator can get the rest of its dinner.
While it is a fact that gators are becoming a nuisance in FL, it is also a fact that idiots have been a world wide nuisance since the dawn of time. If we can use the emerging nuisance to rid ourselves of the endemic and problematic nuisance, than that is what I would call fighting fire with fire.
My only regret is I don’t think it is physically possible to get drunk enough on red wine to forget you just got your arm bitten off. I’d be interested in knowing what that level of intoxication feels like: under carefully controlled conditions, of course, at least more carefully controlled than a swamp at night.
Joe,
As one with a scientific mind, I am will to provide the controlled conditions, assuming I do not have to drive anywhere myself afterwards. Let me know when you wish to experiment I can help. I will lock up the power tools and fire arms so as to provide you with an experience that does not cost you an arm or a a leg.
There are 2 places where gators live in Florida-in the glades or the canals (or your backyard since the canals run thru them). This is resident 101 for Floridians. Some things you just don’t lose track of.
ACT, depends on the water levels. When the levels are low, the gators commonly leave the glades and the canals searching for a place to make an alligator hole. Sometimes that could be your garage, but normally they would eventually find a pond, or small lake.
The gators, normally leave you alone. I canoed all the time in the glades, and while a little freaky to see a 10 foot gator right below your 3-4 inches of freeboard, you get used to it. The only time I had a problem with “bad” gators was around boat ramps and parking areas where folks commonly fed them.
I’ll tell ya my little secret when bass fishing in the glades, if a gator swims by, cast 4-6′ behind the gator. good bet you will hook up. Think the bass follow the gators expecting table scraps.
This cat was on the Today Show this morning stating he wasn’t drunk, at least that he could tell, and that he knew the alligator was there, he just has never experienced alligators as being so aggressive before. Stated that the increase in alligators has caused them to become territorial and have to fight for resources which is what drew the alligator to attack him when normally it wouldn’t. The he made some sort of PSA about how animal rights activists are turning the gators into aggressive animals by demanding that they not be killed. LOL. What a moran.
Yes, you gotta know they are there, and live with them. I know a few who actually fished using float tubes in gator water.. This guy does sound like the stereotypical Florida cracker..
Hopefully he still has Mary and her sisters
Jacob, I look forward to taking you up on that offer.
Dan, how cool to morph this into a post about fishing for bass in Florida’s gator-infested waters!!!
I had two very crazy gator experiences. First was at Lake Myakka in a canoe when I was about 20. We were floating along, about 25 yards from where we put in, planning for an afternoon of fishing and sunbathing. Suddenly she said from the front of the boat “wow, look at all those waves.” I glanced at a roll of three waves heading toward us from out in the lake and said, “must be a rip tide.”
Not quite contemplating that rip tides tend to be rare in small lakes with a surface like glass.
Suddenly, close enough to splash me, a green-black head the size of an average doormat emerges, followed by a body nearly three feet wide and slightly longer than our canoe, barreling up the shoreline – actually making a grunting noise when it surfaced – shaking the ground, then making a sharp right and stopping on a promontory of rocks and sand which was evidently its natural basking spot.
“There’s Old Joe” someone yelled (referring to the gator, not me).
I don’t know what the record is for a 30-yard paddle by an inexperienced canoer, but I know for certain I was close because I beat the water like whipping egg whites and in approximately ten seconds we were back at the feet of the 70-ish old man who had just sent us on our way.
“We’re done,” I explained, quickly moving poles and tackle box onto the pier and stepping rapidly out of the boat. The old guy chuckled, “Old Joe got yer attention, eh?”
“Yeah,” I affirmed, and we strode briskly off to a nice, solid ground section of bank where I was infinitely more in control of the situation. There is something about seeing a 15-foot animal the size of your car run past you that really clears the mind.
The next was a few years later in Lake Monroe off Sanford, me and the 4-year old in a 17-foot Bayrunner. We were planed out going to another fishy-looking inlet when I saw a shape about 50 yards off the bow, I quickly backed down to idle and saw the familiar shape of an alligator’s head – big bulge where the crown and eyes protrude from the surface, then smaller bulge of the nose some distance away.
Only the “distance” in this case was massive, appearing to be nearly half the size of my boat. A head over 6 feet long. That equals a gator over 20 feet long. Friends, that is a big gator. I thought my eyes were deceiving me, or that it had to be a piece of flotsam, when as we drifted closer it suddenly submerged and disappeared.
We did continue to fish, in another part of the lake entirely.
Joe,
No better way to learn about the intricacies of the natural world than to get out and actually experience it. Imagine your experiences were much more awe inspiring than seeing it in National Geo, at least until they devise magazines capable of eating you.
It became more difficult to convince myself I was safe in the canoe after I saw a gator lunge a good 6 feet out of the water onto the bank to grasp the body of a wading blue heron. It was amazing, one blink heron was there, next blink not. Consider the mental images the mind can conjure up as you sit in a canoe, a foot from the water, after witnessing the heron attack just 30 feet away. Caught some really nice fish afterwards though.
All of my close encounters came fishing on shore at the Loxahatchee NWR. When the park rangers saw me fly casting from shore, they would generally give me their card with an invitation to call them should I find any less than cordial gators. A wiser man might have read between the lines.
As I mentioned earlier, you had to be REALLY careful in areas where people were frequent visitors. On several occasions in such areas, I would be inching along the bank, paying careful attention to how my fly line is tailing, I would happen to catch a glint of black below me in the lily pads. Amazing how well these critters can hide among the weeds, a real experience to be locked in a cold stare with a gator a few feet away. I imagine this is kind of how a Vulcan mind meld would feel. Needless to say, soon I starting worrying less about my fly line, and more on my surroundings.
But, there is sadness and death in this story. The unfortunate side effect of folks ignoring the “Do Not Feed the Wildlife” signs is that every month, 6-8 gators would need to be destroyed simply because some morons chose to break the natural order of things and feed the gators. When animals do not consider us a food source, that is generally a very good thing. Fed gators become those that hide in the weeds looking to munch on innocent fly fishermen paying too much attention to their lines.
I need to get my login setup, will do that one evening when I can think of a good yarn to spin.
Jiminy cricket, you do have some yarns to spin – was not aware we shared the Florida heritage.
I would love to hear more of your stories. I am supposed to be in Naples in October, prime snook season, and I am definitely planning to add to my repetoire.
As far I am concerned any gator over 10′ needs to dealt with appropriately. That means the if the sucker tastes like chicken then someone needs to confirm that post haste. Also a fine set of bags, boots, belts and luggage is to be made, once the grilled, baked, and BBQ’d ‘chicken’has been digested.
Jacob, Gator doesn’t taste like chicken, it tastes, well, like gator. By far the best reptilian meal is sea turtle.
Joe, Yes, I lived in FL for 11 years before moving back to NoVa. Worked in Fort Lauderdale, and lived in West Boca.