Another Freep gem, posted on Craigslist:

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide…

For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.

I am not a cat guy, but that sounds like my kind of cat.