Seems that even though the BOS of will most likely raise our taxes yet again, the schools will not get their ample increases.  This has incensed the school superintendant Emporer .  In order to make up these lost funds for his vision of education utopia (as well as a significant increase to his personal salary) he has developed plans to bring new gelt to his coffers.  These initiatives are as follows:

1)  With the rising costs of fuels, all students riding school buses will be assessed a daily roundtrip fare of $1.50.  The fee will be evaluated each week to see if an increase is necessary based on the stock index of oil futures.  If fuel goes down then no further increase will be assessed.  Reduction in ride fare will be determined at the beginning of the next school year.

2)  No more school cafeteria lunches.  School lunches will be provided through the use of vending machines.  Hot meals can be made by using the cafeteria’s coin operated microwaves.  Any monies used in machines where no product is given is considered lost and machine use is at the risk of the students.  Like guns, NO outside lunches or snacks will be allowed on school grounds.  Eating at all is at the discretion of the students and their hunger pains.

3)  Teacher lounges will be re-used.  Since most teachers do their lounging in class, wasting more space for duplicity is unnecessary.  These lounges are to be utilized for new student curricula.  If teachers feel slighted, they have the option of leaving early for the time that would be spent in said lounges; without lose of pay, of course.

4)  The first new class available next year will be live sex education courses.  The old teacher lounge coaches will be re-used for this purpose.  Condoms will be sold on site for a fee of $10 to be used only while in class.  A $5 rebate will be given for all un-used comdoms.  There will be no cell phone cameras allowed as the video copyright belongs to the school.  These video tapes will be held in the restricted section of the library and can be viewed for a fee of $20.  No raincoats or blankets will be allowed in the library for these viewings.  Partners are optional and at the discretion of the students.  RAPE is a crime in this state and will not be tolerated.  This is not West Virginia or Ohio!  A note from your parents to attend this class is not necessary if you are older than 14.  The cost of the course is $200 a semester.  Aids (class supplies) are available on site.  Cleaning supplies will be provided for each student to cleanse their area after use.

5)  The second new class will be tattoo artistry for beginners.  Supplies can be purchased as follows:  12volt DC motor, batteries and #2 needles can be bought at the school supply store for $40.  Industrial Arts shop can sell you a completed, working kit for $85.  Black ink will be sold for $30 per 2 oz. bottle.  Colored ink goes for $50 per 2 oz. bottle.  The inks will be created in the Science/Chem lab.  The tattoo class will be held in another portion of the old teacher’s lounge, again, re-using old couches.  You will be allowed to bring your own aspirin to this class for the pain.  ABSOLUTELY no alcohol will be allowed.  This is still a school and there are rules to be adhered to.

6)  Gang Community Outreach will be the other class held in the old teacher’s lounge.  Literature of the gangs available in the area will be on hand and recruitment will be held on site.  NO INITIATIONS will be allowed on school grounds.  For those students recruited into a gang, having the tattoo art class as well the live sex education class on hand will be very beneficial as you start your new adventure.  There are no fees to attend this outreach as we want to cater to the minority community.  Fees or dues for membership will be handled by the gangs and are the students responsibility.  Civilty is the key word here and there will be no rival gangbanging within the outreach center.  A community outreach certificate will be supplied by the school for all those students who join a gang.  This certificate IS NOT transferable to the BSA for a merit badge.

The way I understand it, all monies collected will be distributed 50/50 between the schools’ coffers and the Emporer’s pocket.  Having pay-as-you-go doesn’t seem such a bad idea but this whole new curriculum is inane and foolish from where I look at the day!