Seems many things have happened while I’ve been away and most of you buttheads are still being buttheads.  I’ll write this post anyway because I feel you may have a clue to my mystery.

I was at the beach condo recently for painting and fishing.  My downstairs neighbor and I had the pier all to ourselves for the first week.  We were content on our Whiteing, Spot and Pompano catch and catching up on the gossip.

One morning early we spied a camera crew on the beach with a section of beach cordoned off.  About 5 dress-alike clones were doing something with shovels.  It was later reported to us that the pier turtle (a nice Hawkbill) had laid eggs but they weren’t in the right spot.  So these environmental/ecological/do-gooder-weenies decided to fix that be digging up and reburying the eggs closer to the dunes.  I guess mama turtle just doesn’t know how to do things right.

The next week I got into Drum and Flounder with another friend of mine.  We had a contest going and if it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.  Be was spanking me 4 to 1 on our catch.  The boy just had a knack.  I moved farther to the end of the pier to out-do him with a big flounder and thought I had got my wish.  Upon further discovery, it acted like I was trying to pull a Japanese mini sub off the ocean floor.  Upon continue tugging my line was finally released, which I assumed was broke but upon further inspection found tht the hook was bit in half at the shank.  That is twice in 7 years that mama turtle got into my bait.  She was probably pissed that eco-weenies were screwing with her eggs!

The bizaar portion happened in the third week.  I was fishing under the pier for drum and got a hookup.  When I tried to pull it up to the surface it came slow and heavy.  I was mad because I thought I had got mama turtle once again but, no, thank goodness!  It was long and white and didn’t fit into the surf net so I had to drag it all the way down the pier to beach it.  Boy, did I get a surprise.  Outside was a white canvas/hammock material.  Inside, weighted down with 5 inch ordanance shells, was a partially decomposed body wrapped in a white shower curtail with holes for the arms to fit thru.  One hand was tie-wrapped into a fist clutching multiple condoms and a bottle of Viagra.  The other fist, in the same fashion, had a $50 debit card for the Pussy Cat Club in Atlanta.  Around his neck was what looked to be a chain of pork sausage links.  The face was unrecognizable but he did have some holes in his head.

I called the National Enquirer but they were working on a story about Biden being an ET and didn’t want it because it was small change.  I then called the local police and got scolded for causing endless paperwork on a “John Doe” where the body could have come in from anywhere.  I gave the police my theory: the Southern Mafia took care of a child molesting pervert and did everyone a favor.  The police liked that and got a good laugh.  They diecided it wasn’t worth their trouble and we got some kid with a jet ski to haul it about 2 miles out in the ocean and drop it for the tune of $10.  At that point we all retreated back to my place for a fish fry and Margaritas and the police thanked me after for my silence, the meal and the contribution to the kid.

I’m still curious about it.  I guess it will have to remain one of them mysteries.