This is a very serious concern to many and I felt it needed to be addressed. Since I ain’t watching the news or reading newspapers, I felt I should comment on real life dilemmas.

First, you need a pier to fish. If you aren’t provided one free, check the weather out for the day. Looking at the ocean, wind direction and cloud cover is the best method. DON’T be fooled by those big hootered women in the short skirts who smile the whole time they are lying to you. They are only there as window dressing, looking for an acting or talk show host career, and don’t know weather from a fart contest.

Once you’ve decided to dip you pole in the water (fishing rod) there are some necessities you will need. First, a fishing license. Drivers license or library cards won’t do. Fact, where I am, people don’t even know what a library card is. Poles and line are a good thing. Yes, you can use a stick, yarn and one of Mama’s knitting needles if you want. DO NOT use your big toe as there are big fish in the ocean and some would pull you over the rail with a pole. If you have a gangrene big toe then, of course, it would be okay. You also need some bait. Bloodworms and shrimp can be expensive. Minnows and cut bait also work well. Bring it all as fish change their dining habits daily and if you get caught with the wrong bait, the fish will just laugh at you and you will end up sunburned and frustrated.

The right clothing is important. Shorts, sandles, no shirt or hat will make you cry like a little girl at beddie-bye time. Wear sunscreen or put on clothes that cover more. If you are back from the rail so the fish can’t see you, who cares what you look like. Saying that, you probably won’t have a chance in hell of catching any of the snapper near the shore. Pick your poison. Raingear (garbage bag) helps in the rain but I must dispell the myth–plastic WILL NOT deflect a lightening strike. Best to stay off the pier cause the fish done swam way out in the ocean to avoid getting hit by burnt fisherman bodies falling into the sea.

If you spent your money to vacation and fish, once you add up the expense, you probably would have saved money had you just gone to the grocery store in the first place. Your time could be better spent trying to keep the kids from helping your sister in a bikini (potato sacks would be better swim wear here. I still can’t get the nightmares to stop) back into the ocean. I personally think that signs stating “I am NOT marine life” should be posted next to these beauties. Or just completely cover them with sand and pretend they are a dune but I digress.

Know your limits. Know your fish. Keep track of female family members on the beach. Fishing takes the cooperation of the fish in the first place. The odds can sometimes be as high as Mega-Millions when it comes to catching them. Have time and patience on your side and the day won’t be a total loss. If nothing else, you could always try your hand at catching crabs but I would leave that to the locals and biker women to talk about. They knows real good how to catch crabs! Fisher boy out.