Global warming is forefront as an issue. So is oil, alternative energy and fat people. I still have the brick mark on my forehead where this one hit me. It is just so easy to understand and resolve.
We start out with “We The People” to the understanding that our forefathers were in actuallity talking about “we the politicians”. This is an undeniable truth. If it were otherwise then we the people would be able to force our elected officials into doing what WE require-not what they deem is best. If you doubt this understanding then I believe that you need to take this to the Supreme Court for an irreputible vauge decision. Because we the politicians know what is best for us and they do make the rules, it is time for you slackers to get in lockstep and stop your whinning. I have the solution that will work and it comes from my liberal ways and understanding of things.
First, everyone gets a house. One floor of at least 2000 sq.ft (for a family of four) is considered the subsistance floor. There will be exercycles mounted with alternator units to run the household. 100 sq ft will be dedicated to the storage batteries with a reserve of 5 hours (we don’t want you getting lazy). The batteries and exercycles will power YOUR unit (unless there is an emergency of which time all energy will go to power the grid). So now if you want heat above 60 degrees or air conditioning below 85 degrees, get off your fatass and get to work. It is now on you. Did I say fatass? Oh but not for long. Since you can’t control your eating habits and you want your refrigerator to keep your food chilled, you will HAVE to work for it. And the pounds will melt away. The batteries will be made of an ecofriendly substance so that at the end of their lifespan, they may either be buried in the yard (if you have one) or eaten. And if eaten, the carb levels must be low and the protien levels must be high but without causing GAS! This is most important! No gas!
The rest of the floor will be covered with plants. No pets. Some of you (especially Asians) will think about eating your pets and that creates pounds and gas. We can’t abide by that. You may choose what plants you want but don’t be foolish because these plants are what you will subsist on as far as intake. They will also scrub off your co2 emissions and give you life maintaining oxygen. We will supply water at a nominal price to bath (water must be used 3 times then poured onto plants), drink and water plants. You can grow plants according to NORML but you cannot give/sell those plants to others. After all, what would happen if we had an emergency and need everyone on the grid, hum?
I know. Some of you only have single floor homes. Too bad. You should have thought of the country’s needs long before you bought, you self-centered individual.
The only thing that can be nuclear is the Alka-Seltzer in your water glass. Wind is okay and sun is also. Matter of fact the sun is your new best friend. It will handle your transportation needs. Commercial planes will go by the wayside. They don’t work on solar (but if you invented a way, we will think about bringing them back and giving you unlimited flights-excluding blackout periods of course-for one full year) and we don’t want anymore pollution in the atmosphere. After all, “if man was meant to fly…”. Military aircraft will use only ethonal and when the land on aircraft carriers, they will no longer be able to dump fuel to lighten the plane. We’re sorry if you crash and die but we don’t want the environment polluted and we don’t want to waste good fuel. And if we lose a plane, well, we don’t like the military anyway. It gives the rest of the world the impression that we are a hostile people.
Farming will be for the soul purpose of plant growth for fuel-no food stock. What the fatcats (they are the ONLY ones to remain obese) don’t use in their vehicles, we will sell to support our backrupt country. Not even the grid will use fuel. That is why we have citizens. Professional sports will disappear and professional atheletes will use that energy for the grid. They will be the only ones compensated for the making of energy-all others will either live or die by it. Oh, and there will be open borders so that we can support the grids industry (read fatcats vacation homes, personal homes and concubine abodes as well as the lighting for the “general good”) because there will enevitibly be an increase of heartattack related deaths but once we get those whimps out of the way, the grid should stabilize and everyone will be skinny but healthy.
Anything not covered will be figured out later. “Ask not what your country can do for you..” are the greastest words ever spoken and we mean to have you abide by them. This has been thoughtout to the end of my nose so it is a proven way to proceed. We will have a happy, healthy and energy producing country in spite of what you may think or feel. It is what is necessary. Get on board and start enjoying life again!